A funny thing happened from a week of writing using prompts, this blog has started to feel a little more like home, like the comfortable place I wanted it to be. That place where I could practice my writing and share my thoughts and have tea with an old friend. It was always supposed to be a place to share my friends with the world but also to have a place to check in and compose my thoughts. A place to figure out my journey in written form. Writing long pieces on a daily basis has become the norm around here and although I won’t be keeping up that pace, let’s just enjoy this closeness while it’s here this week.
Last night I took part in the Instachat over on Twitter. As usual, I was late and scrolling through the questions and answers trying to keep up. I came across a tweet that was about community and how Instagram had helped a single mum of twin girls. It got me thinking and I remembered that my escapism was this blog and the surrounding social media. That by writing and talking with all of you that, that is how I kept an element of sanity in my life during those early days of baby and toddler insanity. That image above is about as real as it gets here on a tough day. I haven’t brushed my hair, I have managed to get dressed but I haven’t made it off the couch.
I keep reminding myself that those sleepless nights and pyjama days that blur from days into weeks, you know those ones where you feel like you could actually loose your mind and you feel like you never come up for air; those were the ones that changed my life and not just because I was now a mother but because it forced me to create something for me. By constantly giving to other people you get burnt out so fast and those baby hormones, well they are just dagnammit evil. How on earth are you supposed to function as a human when you are crying into your cereal because you used the blue cup instead of a mug for coffee?
Do you know yourself?
There are so many thoughts that go through your mind when you are going to have a baby but they never really prepare you for actually having, holding and then raising one. I never really thought that even at 0 months old they would teach me things about myself, I mean, I have been with myself for 30 plus years, I should know myself right? Turns out that I didn’t know myself as well as I thought and as I read that tweet I wanted to run over and hug this mum and make her tea and tell her the world will come right again.
They will *eventually* sleep. They won’t need you in the same way they do when they are brand new. At almost 3, T is strong, determined, willful and only needs me to provide food, shelter and the odd magic kiss to make the owie go away. I can’t take any credit, she came into the world that way. That need, that smothering, clinging need she had is gone and in its place is the need for me to guide her and set boundaries and explain the answers to her never-ending cycle of questions.
I’m not a parent blogger but these little insights into my thoughts can sometimes help you, you know who you are, to get through the day. I remember reading a paragraph once from a lifestyle blog, that in my opinion, was the most ridiculous thing I had ever read. I one hundred percent disagreed with everything, from how they thought kids should be dressed and how they should meet the world. That an emphasis at a certain young age should be on styling and not on growing up and having fun. I remember feeling sorry for that child, it would never get dirty and play in old clothes, make mud pies and just have fun. By reading this piece it taught me what I did value and what I wanted to teach my kids. In my disagreement, I found another piece of the puzzle of who I was even if I was still sobbing into my mug of coffee because of those dang hormones.
It’s ok to be lost. Your children will grow, you will go through things you never thought possible. Life is a journey and you can’t be the same at the end as you are at the beginning. At least, I don’t think you can. In those early days, if you get through a 24 hour period and everyone is ok, they may be dirty, in need of a nappy change and you are wondering why you ever bought a bed in the first place; if you make it through you are winning. Never compare yourself to others, no two babies are the same, no one knows what the most difficult parts of your day are, only you know this and whatever you need to do to see the day through it shouldn’t be judged by others*. Parenthood is hard and yes it often feels like we are alone, let me assure you, you are not. The madness will end and it will be replaced by another parent trial but there is a whole community out there, just like you. The stay at home parent, struggling to get through the day and we will be there to hold your hand when you need it.
I’ll be back tomorrow with an interview from an independent yarn dyer so for my craft and creativity readers, come back and have a read with a cuppa.
*I’m not condoning drinking or anything else that can actually cause harm to the kids here.
Really lovely post (and yes, I agree with what you’ve said about your blog and Instagram becoming better and better! I enjoy your personal voice so much). I was thinking just yesterday about how I really keep on learning new things about myself. I’m not who I thought I was at all. My self-esteem is tied really closely to work; I know that’s ridiculous but I can’t lose it. I’m way more outdoorsy than I ever thought – I mean I’ll never be a hiking-camping-surfing kinda girl but spending just 10 minutes outside, preferably running or biking through the forest, makes all the difference. And all the things I didn’t know about parenting, well. I could write a book.
Thank you so much! I find it amazing how we continue to grow and fine tune what is important to us. Self-esteem is something that I struggled with too and today I actually stood in a room full of people who do the most amazing jobs and I held my own. ME! I added value to conversations because I knew deep down what I had to say was important and I had the courage and confidence to contribute even though it scared the bees out of me. 🙂
You know what I’ve been through. But raising a teen boy on my “own” has definitely changed me for the better. I use quotes there because of the amazing community who has helped me, so while there are times I feel deeply alone, I have people who nurture them both, care for them both, and care for me.
Finding your tribe is how you learn to parent. It doesn’t matter what tribe it is. But when you find your people, it makes a huge difference in your own growth. The confidence they give you when you feel you’re faking it is so empowering!
I’m also still sleepy and sucking down my first cuppa, so this might be disjointed ?
Yes! Well said Nadia, even though my son is now an adult I remember the early days like it was yesterday. His dad left me when I was pregnant and even though I lived with my parents they were out during the day so it was just me and him.
He had sleep problems because of his autism and didn’t sleep through the night till he was 6 so as well as dealing with all the difficulties associated with autism I was a walking zombie!
I am forever counting my blessings that I got through those early years and now he is a wonderful, creative and individual young man who I wouldn’t change for the world.
The early years are hard but they also shape us as parents. Sometimes we just need a little help to get through the day. You are amazing for all you do Barbara!