It’s a funny thing being born in Ireland in the 1980’s. Much of what made the headlines went over my head as a child. My thoughts on this country were always that we were lucky; blessed to have a plentiful supply of food and water, the storms that did hit us were never as severe as those on the news from other countries and we got to enjoy all four seasons in a beautiful green country with mountains and lakes and a coastline that has inspired countless fairy tales.
As I grew up I never consider myself less than a boy my own age. My father had taught me how to respond to taunts of being a girl. He always said that I could be whatever I put my mind to, all I had to do was choose. That sentence may seem like I’m from a middle-class family. I was not. The point in me telling you this is that until I entered college I believed that my father was right. I watched my family sacrifice so that I could go to college and make use of the education schemes available to me. Unfortunately, college is where I started to meet the issues of daily sexism, the problem of gender in my chosen career and how difficult it was to watch those incredible women who had gone before me having to achieve more, work longer hours and battle the choice of motherhood just to be seen on par with male counterparts.
My blog, as a personal one, has always been a haven away from politics. I held my tongue in the past even though I really didn’t want to but this year is one that marks the second historic vote in this decade in Ireland. I wasn’t silent during the vote on Gay Marriage, it just wasn’t in the Notebook as I didn’t feel qualified enough to write about it. I marched, I voted and I supported others to vote too but here we are in 2018, Ireland and we are still discussing basic human rights. On this topic, I am both a woman and a mother of two girls. I am more than qualified and I have always been an advocated for making yourself heard.
I am well aware that I may lose followers and readers but if you can’t scroll past this post and it enrages you that much, then so be it.
Register
This May we are about to vote to Repeal the Eighth amendment. You have probably seen the #repeal and #repealthe8th hashtags. If you live in Ireland and you are 18 years of age or older please CHECK THE REGISTER to see if you can vote. I don’t care if you are pro-choice or pro-life but please vote because unless you do, you don’t get to whine about the result afterwards. If you are of childbearing age, this vote directly effects you and those not yet able to vote. So now is the time to register and make yourself heard.
Inform Yourself
Secondly, BE INFORMED. The best thing about democracy is that everyone has an opinion and you can make it count. If you happen to be pro-life, while I may not agree with your opinion, I will respect it because that is the land we live in today. I won’t call you names, I may try to change your mind by asking a few questions to see how you can justify certain things but as long as you are INFORMED and have made up your own mind and researched both sides then I can respect your right to an opinion and that it can be different to my own.
As a parent of young children I have been excited and terrified about the upcoming vote. I didn’t want my kids to see shocking images on their way to school due to inappropriate propaganda. I didn’t want to have to explain things to them earlier than I should have to broach these topics. Luckily, my children are toddlers and I can distract them with almost anything and my replies just need to make a sort of logic to them. I can still shield them but mothers of children who are older, do not have that advantage. I feel for them, for the questions that will inevitably pop up. If you are reading this then remember that your child will one day, hopefully, be a parent too. You are doing this for them.
It never truly hit home until I was pregnant that my human rights were diminished the moment a certain group of cells entered my womb.
I never saw myself having to fight for basic human rights for myself or my children. I mean, I live in 2018 Ireland surely that’s madness? But no it’s not. In this country, we still put the rights of a foetus above those of a living breathing human being. When I was pregnant, my husband and I had scenarios in which, if anything went wrong during labour what I would like him to do. It never truly hit home until I was pregnant that my human rights diminished the moment a certain group of cells entered my womb. That on top of all of the emotions and everything else that comes with getting your head around the fact you are going to be a parent, that I was basically a vessel until I delivered this baby. That the state made a choice for me and knew better than I did about my own situation.
My husband and I had no right to decide what was right for our family, the state made that decision for us and it makes that decision for all women without exemption. While we would never have made any other decision then to have our children I recognise that no one should make that decision for anyone else. We need to recognise that women need bodily autonomy, that one choice does not fit all. There needs to be a support system for women who are pregnant and may require counselling and assistance without being shamed for it. It is also true that there are supporters who are Pro-choice that do not support abortion. If you are still trying to decide, please read this opinion piece in the Irish Times.
I am not opening up this post as a debate on the topic. I said previously that I can respect an informed decision no matter how much I may disagree with it personally. I want my girls to have the right to chose what to do with their body. I want them to maintain their full range of legally protected rights during pregnancy. I want them to know that their mother stood as a voice for them when they could not. That their free will was important. I never want them to have to have the discussions that we did or go through situations that I have had to watch friends and family go through. That even though my blog and podcast during May 2018 will be full of craft and festivals, that this was an issue that was important and I made a choice.
I respect that my choice may not be right for another but can we please debate with decency. We are adults and we should behave like we should have the right to choose.
Your normal creative posts will resume but for now, I’ll leave you with the three important words.
Repeal the Eighth.
Yes! Repeal the fucking eighth already!
I admire your restraint Nadia, as I would be too overcome by anger to post in a respectful way about this. I cannot successfully engage on this issue with someone who hasn’t bothered to look up any basic information about what actually happens during an abortion, when most of them are, why they are needed, or why this amendment is about a ton of things that are not abortion related at all (but which literally kill women).
Anyway, here’s a good FAQ link for anyone who is thinking ‘what?! how can a MOM be pro abortionz?!’ -> http://parentsforchoice.ie/faq
Thank you so much for posting that link! And YES to all of this. My restraint is only for those that I have talked to that are struggling with the decision. They are in neither camp and yet are struggling internally due to their own faith etc. Also because of FEAR. The number of dm’s or comments around this post I have received that highlight just how scared people are to speak out in case of extremist views on either side and other repercussions. Their opinions matter too and I felt they needed a safe space to have their voice heard. At least now they can see how respectful people can be around this issue. There is a post that hasn’t turned into a nasty debate here or on Instagram. I’m hoping they take heart and find their strength too and remember to vote.
Bravo bravo Nadia. What a wonderful brave and kind post. I agree that the tenor and tone of debate is super important and have been reading Brene brown on gun control who is super interesting on this. It’s only by trying to move closer together that real change can happen. I am so hoping that the eight will be repealed. I will be watching from London with love and hope.
Thank you Lara! Brene Browne is amazing, I found her through the A Playful Day blog or IG feed I can’t remember which at this moment. I really hope it will be repealed. I just hope others will vote and won’t be intimidated into voting the way that they want too. Crossing all my fingers and toes.
Nadia, as a mother of 3 children born in the 80s Ireland, we were not informed or given any choice. You just had to go along with the system, and the church which was male-dominated. Now as a Grandmother I would hate for my grandchild not to have a choice. Both her parents are very well educated, as like your father I always taught my daughter she was an equal I struggled to put the 3 of them through college. Like yourself, it was not until my daughter went to college she also faced male domination. But Ireland is a sad place with whispers about people, not just the 8th also with mental health. I say inform yourself. Well put Nadia
Thank you so much for this comment Patricia. Funny that you say it but women’s mental health is my post for Wednesday.
Whether people agree or disagree on matters isn’t as important as respect for one another; it all comes down to respect. I respect your opinion and the manner in which you expressed it. Love, Regina
Respect is something that we can all choose to have more of. This isn’t an easy topic and there are a lot of people struggling with it between their faith or what they would do personally. It isn’t as black and white for some as some people make out and I have seen horrible posts online. As adults, we should be able to disagree and still remain friends. A difference of opinion makes us unique. I usually see it as a learning curve. Thank you so much for your kind words, Regina. Much love to you and yours. xxx N
Thank you so much for this Nadia. I echo all your points. Women can never have true equality in this country until we have the right to informed consent during pregnancy and childbirth. It’s important for people to understand you can be anti-abortion for yourself and be pro-choice, recognising the right of the individual to make the decision that is right for them. Anyone who thinks the Eight Amendment saves women needs to read ‘In Her Shoes – Women Of The Eighth’ on Facebook. Repeal the Eighth.
We need equality and I can’t believe it is something that we are still talking about. This vote has been a long time coming. It is also impossible to get read that book and not cry. It brings out very strong emotions of fury and rage but the only way to vent them is to vote and repeal and to educate as many people as we can between now and May.