As a mum, you spend a lot of your time rewatching old movies with your kids. Sometimes it’s a (futile) bonding exercise (they will never love it as much as you do) or sometimes it’s family movie night where you find yourself watching a Disney princess prance about singing for the umpteenth time.
I’m not against Disney but I did get to thinking that Disney movies would be a lot more interesting if they used craft tools as weapons. Anyone that has been stabbed by embroidery scissors or DPN’s (double pointed needles) can relate.
My youngest daughter is obsessed with Tangled at the moment and I keep thinking “Why on earth didn’t she just save herself from the tower?” Her hair was long enough, she uses it to fight later in the movie so why didn’t she ever leave? Let’s face it the witch is NOT that scary.
Have I lost you yet? Come back this is where it gets interesting:
Now imagine a movie where Rapunzel is a secret warrior, her tower is a secret base of operations and her power? Turning back time with the use of her hair. This movie just got interesting right?
Now as part of her disguise, because it’s Disney it would be perfectly normal for her to be shopping barefoot in the village, carrying her basket of yarn and craft supplies. When suddenly the village gets attacked by a giant mutant dinosaur (yes I am being influenced by my 3-year-old here) who has been trained by the evil queen to be part of her military guards. (If you’re wondering it involved lots of bribery and access to high-speed broadband in the caves.)
Oh, wait I’m losing you aren’t I?
Rapunzel quickly pulls the DPN’s out of her hair and at the same time rips off her skirt revealing form-fitting leggings that conveniently match her corset were for some mind-boggling reason she has endless access to flying scissors, extendible Knit-Pro style circular cables and leather bobbins.
She quickly uses the bobbins to turn her hair into a magical whip. Attacks the mutant dino with rapid DPN throws, stabbing him repeatedly. He falls to the village floor taking out the bakery amid cries of “Save the Pastries,” while trying to batt her with his teeny tiny front legs. Alas, he is no match for Craft Rapunzel. Who lassos his neck while leaping gracefully onto his stomach. Quickly she sings her song reversing time and poof! Rapunzel finishes her song while holding a baby dino that she can raise as her own.
And the message you take away from this movie? Never mess with a person of craft. We have ninja speed, we fight on the side of good, we could take over the world if we choose to but inevitably we will get distracted by gorgeous yarn and the possibilities of what we can create with it.
Till next time